Random Venting...er...I mean sharing

Catch-Up...Get it ?
Yeah, anyway...It's been a long while (again) since I updated anyone on anything, especially those of you who I consider to be my friends, and yes I still consider you to be my friends, whom I don't see or chat with on any type of regular basis. Oh well, such is the way of Internet relationships I suppose.
Although I'm still online daily I'm swamped with work or at least some work related task. Speaking of work I was offered and accepted a job about a week after my last post. I'm working for Fidelity National Information Services as a 'Sr. Distributed Computing Network Analyst' whatever that means, basically I provide tier2 support for their online applications, write a bunch of SQL queries and try to make the world a better place, from a database perspective anyway. All in all it's a good gig, close to the house so my commuting days are over, for the time being anyway and I can still work remotely if need be.
On the divorce front...IT DONE, FINAL, OVER, KAPUT. The final papers where finally signed a few weeks ago. Not that I was counting but it took 2 years, 7 months and 18 days, and about 4 versions of the contract before an agreement was signed. I still got screwed but I was tired (and broke) of the whole situation so I just slightly modified the last agreement and she finally signed...w00t!!!! Considering Laura and I have been together for about a year and living together for at least half that; the ex is living with someone and pregnant with his child I was pretty much thinking it was time for some type of resolution, even if i got a little bit of the shaft, it's worth it to be over with.
For the most part everything is good. Money is always a problem and probably always will be, Laura is good, sex is good, the kids are doing good, the dog is huge, life is good. And this house is officially home now because I have effectively wiped out whatever traces of lawn ever existed out front, it's sort of becoming a signiture with me.

Laura, see the Oct. post, is pretty much moved in and by "moved in" I mean she's submitted a change of address form and put her condo up for sale.
I was laid off at the end of February. Originally I was going to go back to school, flight school actually, but that is on hold at the moment so I'm very actively, desperately job hunting. I don't want to the whole commuting thing again so I'm trying to stay within 20 miles of the house this time. The last job killed my paycheck with gas and tolls so I really don't want to repeat that nightmare again. Limiting myself to a 20 mile radius is sort of making the job hunt a bit more "challenging" but worth it in the long run. The real down side to the whole unemployment thing is Laura is having to pick up more work. Normally she works 50 hours a month for a flight attendant that's about average, maybe a little above average. If she works that many hours she's only really home 3-4 days a week. Add in she's based out of NY, so a morning flight schedule means she has to leave the afternoon, evening before to sign into work on time. All that being said, this last month she's picked up 100+ hours so she's only home 1-2 days a week until April. That REALLY sucks! On an up note, she's added me to her flight benefits which means I fly for about $.05 a mile and I'm using that to fly out and meet her whenever she has long layovers. This month I'm flying out to Phoenix and San Jose and next month Phoenix again and maybe Seattle. Of course we figured all this out after I drove down to Ft. Lauderdale earlier this month and realized we would have saved about $40 in gas if I would have just caught a flight down. Oh well, live and learn. If I marry her I fly for free :-)

Ok, just a quick update and then I'm going back on my meds.
I haven't always been the most cautious of people and in being so I've, from time to time, caused unnecessary trauma to my body and continued on. That being said, I've known about this particular injury for a while and my doctor says it was caused by some kind of impact to my neck a long time ago. I've been trying to manage the pain for the last couple of years with medication, first pills and then injections directly into my spine to control inflammation. Pain management stopped working a few months ago and surgery was my last resort. In short, I now have a titanium plate and a bone graph where my c6 vertebrae used to be. I should have had the surgery sooner, the doctor said the vertebrae had totally disintegrated and I was lucky nothing worse had happened.
So now I have another cool scar, a slight addiction to prescription pain killers, and a neck brace I'll probably have to wear for another couple of weeks but all in all recovery is going fairly well; now were did I put my percocets :-)

(Most Awesome Girlfriend Ever!)

So, just a few short months ago I was pretty much preparing myself for a life of solitude, a self imposed loneliness thinly veiled as introspection and a slight bitterness towards the opposite sex. Any hope of possibly having a mutually healthy romantic relationship was absolutely moving further away from me and I freely accepted, almost welcomed the desolation as my fate. Then I met this pretty, funny, smart woman who I had so much in common with that I automatically assumed we'd never be more than friends because anyone like that would never be interested in anything more than a platonic, perhaps close but definitely platonic, relationship with me. I went along with it, if being with someone was out of the question then having true friends would have to be my replacement for intimacy. We would spend hours on the phone talking about anything and everything, just enjoying the conversation. Going out was a totally comfortable experience, we were both at ease with one another spoke freely and happy to be ourselves; all pretense put aside and saved for outsiders. It was the first time, literally in years, I've felt totally at ease with another person.

Leaving out the details, which I'm pretty sure is the most interesting part, the result is today I'm in a relationship with the most amazing woman I think I've ever met. For her sake I hope I measure up, for her sake I hope I'm worth it.

   

Gas prices are killing me recently. My little Jeep Wrangler gets, + or -, 20 mpg. Getting a bike, which I've been wanting to get another one forever, seemed to be a reasonable alternative for my hour commute to and from work.
This past Saturday I got a voice mail from one of the sales guys I've been talking, basically the message went like this "bike...cruiser...just came in...garage Kept...barely ridden...2004...1900 miles...$4800...your color..."
Anyway, by 8 o'clock Saturday night I left the cycle shop with a 2004 VL800 Volusia. Back to the gas thing, it does average around 48 mpg and I know this because I've already burned through 2 tanks ;-)

Well...I finally got the new house and was trying to think of a the quickest way to destroy it...PUPPY!!!!

So I went out and found Lilly, a 2 month old bullmastiff pup. She's a sweetheart, very, very playful. Yeah I needed to add something else to my plate. Gawd!!! I forgot puppies can be as annoying as they are cute.

The new house is great, the ex and I are alternating custody until the court date which will probably be the end of September. All in all everything is moving along.

So at this point in my life I've run across a bit of a quandary. My son, the almost 8 year old, comes in from the pool and walks staright to his room, very unused towel on his shoulder, and no one sees him for about 20 mins. I go to his room to remind him that in addition to being shoulder warmers, towels can also be used to dry off after things like showers and swims. I open his door to find the towel spread out on the floor and him sitting butt naked playing Star Wars Legos on his PS2. Here's the dilemma, the GenX slacker in me wants to say "Cool, way to be little dude" but the parent in me wants to yell "Put some pants on ya' freak!" I stood there for a few seconds trying to process the information, but something short circuited  and left without saying a word. Having let it sink in a bit I've decided it relates to a more mature understanding of the whole cookie on the floor dilema. If your kid drops a cookie, piece candy whatever on the floor your instinct is to say "don't eat that, it's dirty" but in your mind you're thinking '10 second rule, that's a perfectly good cookie'.  I think the basic solution here is that they're kids and let them get away with this stuff as long as possible.

Let's see...Murphy's law anyone?
So, I've got a contract on my house, my (soon to be) ex wife has a contract on a new house and all the financing worked out; I have an offer in on a new house and all I need is a closing date on the sell of the existing house to get the contract nailed down. And then my buyer's financing falls totally through at the last possible minute. Literally, 2 weeks left and his credit suddenly crumbles.
Apparently, he applied for a couple of credit cards in the last month and this morning his mortgage underwriter decided to re-run his credit history. Basically his credit score dropped and they pulled the loan.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAN i PLEASE CATCH A BREAK SOMETIME THIS CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to take a moment and thank everybody who expressed their sympathies.
Shelby was so important to me and I didn't even realize it until she was gone. The unconditional love they extend to us is easy to take for granted at times but they become such a big part of our lives in the short time we have with them and their quiet impact on us can be so subtle that it can be so easily overlooked, even unappreciated. Shelby was no different. She had so quietly became a big part of my routine I barely noticed her at times, but she was always there, sometimes getting stepped on or yelled at for being underfoot, but there. I have found myself doing odd things because she was so present in my life, I've caught myself pausing at the door holding it open expecting her to be behind me or come bounding in from the yard. I walk around the house and glance at her favorite spots and I'm shocked to not find her there. When I'm sitting on the patio to grab a smoke or just to relax the ever present head plopping down on my lap or the paw scratching at my leg or chair demanding attention is no longer present and for a brief a second I can't figure out what's missing.
Thanks again for all the well wishes :-)

Miss Shelby: May 1995 - May 30, 2006

Miss Shelby didn't make it. I got the call from the vet mid morning, it was definitely cancer and had spread aggressively. It had completely obliterated her spleen, and started on her liver and was already spreading to her heart. I couldn't bare the thought of putting her through the pain of recovery and the last years of her life being less than the first so I decided with little hesitation that she deserved better. She was a high spirited, affectionate being and to put her through that would have been purely selfish and wrong. As much as I am already missing her, it was the right decision. We knew there was something wrong Friday, but because of cost and time we decided to wait until today to have the exploratory surgery performed. I'm glad we did. She had one more beautiful weekend in the sun, chased a few more birds and growled at the cat a few more times. It was a good weekend and I'm thankful she had one more like it.
We adopted her in July of '95, the pound said she was probably born in late May, so she was a gemini like me, which probably explains why we got along so well. The pound had extended her stay up until the last possible moment and literally had hours left when we adopted her. Other potential pet seekers had past her over for more "breed" specific puppies. We even overlooked her on the first past when the humane society attendant asked us to look again to see if there was a fit because it was her last day. On the second look we clicked and she was immediately a part of my heart and there was never another doubt of her belonging.
Like I said, I'm already missing her.

 

I'm at work, yes on memorial day, waiting for the seemingly unending number of scripts I've written to run so QA will have either a field day kicking things back or plot my demise for dumping all kinds of work on them after a holiday weekend. Either case I'll have to watch my back in the parking lot when I leave at night for the next couple of weeks.
I have a contract on my house and should be out before the end of June. The man buying my place seems nice enough, he's divorced and just wants a good home for his kids when they're with him. I most definitely identify with that and have been working in the background to make sure his offer stayed on top. Hopefully karma is real and my efforts will count for something as I focus on my search for a new home.
The deal on the other townhouse fell through so I'm back to almost square 1. I have found a place in a much better neighborhood, with much schools, and with a much bigger price tag. I've got my negotiating hat on and I'm ready to scrap it out, but it may be out my reach. Regardless, the place is worth the effort and I do have a couple of things on my side, like a saturated market and a seller who seems in a hurry to sell, so wish me luck!
Miss Shelby, the dog, has to go in for surgery tomorrow morning (yeah, great timing). She has a growth between her spline and liver that is causing her a lot of pain and major loss of appetite. She's lost about 12lbs in the last couple of weeks. The vet doesn't know if the growth is cancer and won't until after the surgery and they can do a biopsy. I'm hoping I'm putting her through the surgery because I really believe she has plenty of life left in her and not out of any selfish motives. I am questioning the decision because of everything else that is going on right now and hoping I'm not going forward with the surgery out of fear of more loss. She has been a good friend and source of comfort over the last 11 years and I wouldn't want her to suffer a minute.
I ran into Spaz the other day after lunch. I have to admit I felt a little awkward because I've been blowing off having lunch with him for the last few weeks. His new office is literally 2 buildings down from mine and normally I would be pestering him to get together but I've been "working" on something which could potentially wind up being a good thing in my life. I talked to Spaz and he understands why I've been a little elusive but I still felt a little awkward, not guilty, just awkward. I suppose I'll be buying lunch within the next week or so.
As I just mentioned there is a potentially good thing happening right now, I'll update more on that another time, for some reason there is always this part of me that doesn't expect good things to work out. I rarely, if ever, openly or willingly accept something that seems good on the surface. I always suspiciously scrutinize and analyze for a potential deception or mal-intent. It goes beyond caution and teeters on paranoia which ultimately leaves a blemish on something that could very well have been initially purely good.

It's been a long time since any updates but I won't take up too much time.
Internally speaking, there has been a shift of power in the whole divorce-get-a-life process.
I realized that up until a few weeks ago the part of my personality that is the diplomat had been working diligently to find a peaceful resolution, to come to terms everyone could live with and find balance in all the chaos. The diplomat has resigned his position and the fighter has stepped up. He has positioned himself on top of his war horse readied for battle, the warrior poet with broadsword raised awaiting the onslaught, Babe Ruth at the plate pointing toward center field, a 300lb man ready for hot dog eating contest. Whatever the imagery, he is taking the lead now.
This internal switch of roles has lead to more peaceful feeling or at least an acceptance that there is going to be strife, I'm not going to be able to control the situation only my part in it.

Ok, given my spelling skills I realize I should never attempt an update while drunk and watching old movies but I've started this about 3 times already and haven't been able to finish. So here goes...

The house is up for sale (finally), the soon-to-be-ex knows I've been seeing someone (a long time friend nonetheless) and I'm living in a way station designed for people who facilitate the revolving door known as our prison system. If it weren't for St. John's Wort I'd be pretty depressed right now.
On top of that I'm feeling less important by the day. It seems as though, at least in my life, support is only apparent when you do what the people who "care" about you are happy about your decisions, regardless of whether they're the right decisions or not.
I know, I sound bitter, but I've lived my life doing what others have expected and now that I have made a decision that benefits me I've been left alone. It kind of sucks really, the conditional love, support that we come to believe is real. I'm tired and really just don't give a shit anymore. If it weren't for my kids I'd move to the most remote part of Alaska and shun all humankind.

Sorry for the lack of graphics, but I'm not in the mood to seek out a symbolic link.

Wikipedia Article

I was going to post this in reply to one of Steph’s latest posts, but since I make every thing about me anyway, I decided I should put it here instead.

I was looking at furniture last weekend, sort of dealing with my own little drama, and a gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) furniture salesman had a very profound thought on starting over; “endings aren’t always good, but beginnings are”. Ok, so it’s not all that profound, but given my normal state these days it was enough to send my mind spinning and being me, had to ponder its implications for the next 48 hours until I mentally beat the meaning out of it.

 

Why is there a picture of Patrick Stewart on this post? Well apparently he was a furniture salesman for a time when he was a young struggling actor. What does Patrick Stewart have to do with this? Absolutely nothing; I googled ‘furniture salesman gay’ for a picture to go with this and he came up.

 

Disclaimer: Lastsyd is in no way insinuating, declaring, or suggesting Patrick Stewart is gay (Not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

 

OMG! I can't believe I just ate 1/4 lbs box of Sugar Babies!!!!
I'll be getting sleep again sometime around mid Feb.

The Navy reserve denied my request to go inactive while I deal with the divorce and get the kids used to the idea of having two homes.
I can try again with a review board once I have deployment orders, but for now it looks like I'm PG (Persian Gulf) bound.....

I checked my balance this morning and they actually do reimburse ATM fees and debit card transaction charges.
I remember that being one of the features when I signed up but I didn't believe it. Low and behold, there they were deposits made into my checking account; $12.50 in ATM fees and $3.75 in debit charges put back into my account.
I've used them in the past for loans and a credit card and have always been happy with their service but this is the first time I've had a checking and savings account with  them and I have to say so far I'm really  happy. I've never felt prompted to gush about a  bank before, but damn they actually gave me money.
Anyway, if you're a veteran or related to a veteran check out USAA
Ok, the commercial is over

Interesting day. I was almost an hour late for work, was there barely an hour when my son's daycare calls and says he's sick and I have to come pick him up right away. Well, after driving an hour to get there, did I mention I have an hour commute to work, and worrying about my son I get there and they tell me he has lice. F'in lice! Granted it's a million times better than the coma I had imagined, but still they should be a little more sensible when telling a person something about their kid. Sheeshe!

Anyway, after a day of lice treatments, washing bedding, flea dipping the pets; the dog still won't look at me, I have to use a PDO for today because I didn't get a chance to do any work.

I wonder what the emergency will be tomorrow; roids?

 

My Cube People are on their way. Their mission? To save me from office enui.

I'm not sure why but I think I want one